


you’re the one thing i can’t stand to lose.

by raiindust



Series: like a slow fire burn we collide into fire [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Canon Disabled Character, F/M, Fluffy Ending, Physical Disability, almost angst, instead became a giant, should've been a drabble, swear words used somewhat frequently because why not
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-03
Packaged: 2018-09-27 23:51:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,956
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10057562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raiindust/pseuds/raiindust
Summary: Besides, Raven has spent the last twenty four hours steeling herself for the long goodbye.or the continuation of the Bellamy & Raven high school au no one asked for, in which Bellamy Blake is just in ridiculous love with Raven Reyes.





	

**Author's Note:**

> in which a make out drabble was the goal, and yet. probably not necessary to subject yourself to the original portion of this, the basics of the plot are covered within this one. unbeta'ed because why not, all mistakes belong to me.
> 
> prompt: _meadow_ , for **shortitude**.  
>  title from back to you by WILD.

Bellamy takes Raven back to his wild field her last day in town. It’s fitting, she supposes, in a circular kind of way, that they’re going back to the place where he first discovered her acceptance letter to MIT crammed away with uncertainty, where he first gave her the faith she needed to know she could succeed. 

 

Not that feels any of that uneasiness now, on the eve of her departure. Her world has been crammed, pushed and stacked into boxes and bags ready for her next big adventure. 

 

At least that’s what Anya keeps calling it, when she’s not tearing up about her little bird flying the coup to take over the world, which seems to be occurring at alarmingly increasing intervals. Raven wishes Anya could hold it together, because really, it’s not like she’ll never see her again (there’s Thanksgiving, Christmas and summer--), but at the same time there’s also this tightness in her chest that pulls more and more each time tears form in Anya’s eyes, so the afternoon escape was a welcome distraction from it all. 

 

Besides, Raven has spent the last twenty four hours steeling herself for the long goodbye. 

 

Well, maybe. She doesn’t quite know what to expect if she’s being honest, because in true Bellamy and Raven fashion they haven’t spoken about the issue head on, or even really, you know, mentioned it at all. College, in Boston, hundred of miles from home has sat unspoken all summer, wedged deep into the stilted silence between  ‘Want to hang out tonight?’ and ‘Can’t you stay for just a little while longer?’, like a fleshy bruise desperately refusing to appear on their skin.

 

(“It’s because neither of you have the emotional capacity to address the fact you might care deeply for each other, let alone consider what a separation like this could do to your already fragile hearts.” Monty had commented when he’d headed over to help plan their road trip route to the future. Raven had punched him then, and mocked him endlessly for the phrase ‘care deeply,’ but he’d sniggered in return and starting singing ‘ _ Bellamy and Raven sitting in a tree…’ _ , because he knew Emori was around the corner and would mimic him forever. Dick.)

 

Still. Raven knows  _ eventually _ the whole ‘I’m leaving forever for a future far away,’ issue is going to have to be raised and discussed. Like, at some stage in the next twelve hours. Lest she disappear to college and never see her boy-- well, her Bellamy, again. 

 

It might have been okay, had they not crossed that precarious line between flippant friends who fight like nobodies business and something more, only--

 

Everything’s different now; the place where they are headed, the space between them, the people themselves.  Before it was like there was a half-breath stuck in their lungs, waiting (patiently, agonizingly) for release. Now air moves between then ease, the ebb and flow of the universe sitting just right between two souls. 

 

Once the meadow was full of new buds sitting in a sea of green, wilting, waiting, for a storm to douse and drown and wash the world anew. Now a late summer bloom has spread haphazardly across the land with flowers blossoming and fading into varying shades of orange and brown.

 

Summer has been the best three months she’s had in a while, and seriously, it had taken several bottles of half-brewed beer for Raven to admit that to herself, let alone someone else. But now it feels like the weight of the same knowledge is crushing her heart into the bottom of her stomach because, as with all good things in her life, it apparently must end. 

 

“The death of summer is nigh.” Raven sighs as Bellamy pulls into the field, pushing her door open and stepping into the grass, grown long and wild and unkempt. Her words shake a low chuckle from Bellamy as he moves from the car and pushes up onto the hood. Raven attempts to follow suit, but the hood is higher than hers, and she struggles a bit, causing Bellamy to laugh outright next to her. Finally though, she succeeds, and huffs as she crawls across the warm metal, turning to glare at him. 

 

“You’re seriously going to laugh at the girl in the leg brace struggling to climb?” She asks, and is met with an enthusiastic nod, to which she automatically leans across the car in an attempt to shove him off the edge. Only Bellamy is three months wiser with his knowledge of Raven’s moods and tactics, and catches her arm easily, then draws her to him, shuffling around until she rests between his legs. It happens quickly, naturally, and occurs to Raven that they could have been doing this, whatever it is between them, for years. She smiles at the thought, but the moment is short lived, as she realises that this may in fact be the last time it ever happens.

 

Bellamy, to his credit, doesn’t react to the way Raven feels her body tense in his arms; instead she breaths a little easier as he focuses on a soft spot at the nape of her neck that he  _ knows _ will, in approximately 30 seconds, lead Raven to push him back against the hood, climb on top of him and maul him (in the most dignified way possible of course). 

 

Which she could just let happen. It's happened before.  _ Many times. _ Except the countdown for so long farewell is ticking down, getting closer to that big fat zero, and if she doesn't speak now then they might just fade away like the end of summer.

 

And fuck it, she really doesn't want that. 

 

It takes everything in her, but she pulls away from his grip and swivels her body awkwardly to face him.

 

“No, we are going to talk about the collegiate elephant in the room and we are going to talk about it now.” Raven can hear the strain in her voice, can see the fact that Bellamy is going to interject, and makes a split second decision to hold her palm over his mouth and shush him loudly.

 

“My turn first.” She says pleadingly, and is relieved as he bobs his head to comply, only to recognise she doesn't exactly know what her turn will consist of. Crap. Shakily she exhales, and composes herself. While words aren’t always her strong point, she tends to form them more easily in Bellamy’s presence, so she breaths again and decides to just run with her thoughts and hope the best.

 

“Look, the last three months have been  _ amazing.” _ She elbows him in the ribs as she feels him smirk under her palm, and shoots him a glare before continuing. “Ugh no, not because of that. I mean, sure, because of that,” Another grin, and she raises her eyebrow in response because seriously? “It's just been nice, being a part of something this simple. Without strings. Without ultimatums. Something that just is, and exists, and doesn't need continued reassurance to make sure we are on the same page, or even in the same fucking book.”

 

Once again she can feel his mouth move as if he thinks it’s his turn for words.  _ Not a chance in hell _ , Raven thinks to herself, she's not done yet.

 

“You are important to me Bell, more important than I think you know. Maybe more important than I know. And we could've been something great. But we both know what this can't be, because long distance relationships never fucking work, Hollywood knows it, I know it, Emori even knows it--” She pauses, breathes and blinks in an attempt to stop the tears that are aching to form. There will be time to cry later, time to smash things in anger and frustration because she wasted a fucking year loathing him when instead she could've kept this.

 

“I just, need you to know that it's not you or me or us or this. I’m just being practical, because one of us has to be. And I mean, even if we tried to stay together I would never be able to see you. The hours will be ridiculous, and that's just the face to face time for courses. Then there's study and exams and I have to find a job in between all of that. I’m sure my relationship with my bed will be strained after my first week there, so I don't even want to know what it could do to our relationship--”

 

Oh. Right. There's that word that they’ve avoided all summer. Because who needs a definition when you are having fun hanging out? They don't. Seriously. Two almost adults (who are still kids really) don't need a word to define who they are to each other. That part they did totally fine without social constructs ruining what they have.

 

Not this though. Leaving it all behind is the harder thing do.

 

“It’s just, not something we should worry about trying to keep alive because--”

 

“Reyes,” Bellamy says finally, pushing her hand from his mouth, interlocking her fingers with his. She feels the weight of his gaze on her, like she always has, but all she can do is look at their hands and try not to cry. 

 

“I’m coming with you.”

 

For a moment she's breathless, processing the words that have fallen with quiet confidence from his lips. Raven knows what she heard, comprehends the words, but he can’t honestly be doing that-- right? 

 

“Shut up.” She replies eventually, shoving him backwards with a roll of her eyes because of course he’s being a shit about it. Stupid boys. “Quit fucking around Blake, I’m trying to be serious here.”

 

“So am I.” He shoots back with a half-laugh turning into a grin. All that does is earn him another push, as she huffs and throws her arms across her chest in annoyance. But the boy won’t be deterred. “I’m seriously coming with you.”

 

“Uh, no you’re seriously not!” Raven cries finally, her arms moving to the air in frustration because he  _ can’t _ be coming with her. He was accepted with a full scholarship to Arkadia College, and she knows now, how important that is to him. So he wouldn’t,  _ couldn’t _ be giving that up. Not for her. Not for some three month thing that neither of them can define. It’s completely --

 

“Ridiculous.” She mutters quietly, ignoring the snort that escapes his lips. “Insane. It’s official, all the summer sun has made you crazy.”

 

Bellamy bursts out laughing at this and then, despite her obvious annoyance, tugs her to him. His arms wrap gently around her middle and his chin comes to rest lightly on her shoulder. Leaning closer, he ghosts his lips to her shoulder, her neck, her shoulder, her lips. With each movement comes a whispered word released against her skin.

 

_ I’m coming with you. _

 

His words are deliberate, his tone resolute, and that’s when she realises that maybe-- maybe he isn’t kidding. Maybe he actually is going with her. For her. For them. Her body freezes on instinct; memories flicking through her mind as she searches for something, any piece of evidence that would have indicated to her before that this was even an option. That this could actually happen. 

 

Even if they have been together for close to three months, they still had a rocky start, and in spite of the certainty of their feelings it certainly hasn’t always been rainbows and sunshine since they, well, made out in a closet and became this undefined all encompassing thing that they’ve lived and breathed and become.

 

Seconds pass in silence. Until, softly. “Why?” 

 

And the thing is this-- it was easy to be lost in him in the long days and longer nights summer afforded them. Because at the end Raven knew there would be goodbye. And yeah, it was going to be hard. Maybe even the kind of heart breaking, gut wrenching teenage goodbye you get once in your life (because even if it is dramatic teen angst in movies and shows, sometimes heartbreak does feel like the end of the world.).

 

But Raven could cope with that. She's used to goodbyes. Used to surviving what comes after them.

 

Except what comes after if you choose to stay? Something real, something true. Something that scares the shit out of her. Which begs the question, why would Bellamy give up his world, his plans, his dreams, to follow her?

 

She can feel his body sigh behind her, his chest rising then falling against hers. Then his arms are tugging her to him, twisting her body to face him. One hand reaches around her waist, resting gently on the curve of her back. The other pushes under her chin, tilting her face upward until she's forced to meet a eyes. 

 

“Because I fucking love you, Raven Reyes. That's why.”

 

It’s unexpected. Or maybe more expected than anything else he could have said to convince her of the truth. She’s suspected, for a while, how he feels; little things like the small smile when she argues (with him or anyone), the gentle kiss before goodnight, the fact that he spent basically an entire year being her verbal punching bag just to inch himself closer to her heart. 

 

(And she feels a little badly about that last one. Really, she does.)

 

And really, it’s there in the way even after his grand proclamation of love, he doesn’t look away, and won’t let Raven look away either. So they remained locked, and she  _ knows _ as she’s processing the words her feelings are flitting across her face, unmasked, for him to read like the easiest book known to man.

 

(And perhaps, she supposes, that’s how it should be. He always was better at using his words.)

 

Eventually though--

 

“Well you can’t stay with me, Monty and I had to basically bribe the housing people to let us share, because they ‘don’t believe cohabitation between genders creates positive living environments _ ’ _ , and I was being serious about the amount of hours--”

 

There’s more she wants to say, but Bellamy chooses that moment to press his lips to hers, lightly at first; then hungrily, and she knows (from experience, a _ lot _ of experience) that he gets it, gets her. And wants her and this and them for exactly who she is -- but also wants her to be quiet because he really just wants to kiss her.

 

(Which okay, sometimes it’s a dick move. But when his tongue pushes into her mouth and his hands thread under her shirt and skin up towards her chest she kind of tends to forget that he can occasionally be a dick. Seriously, she’s not fucking superwoman.)

 

Raven beams as she pulls back from the kiss, her arms resting on his shoulders, hands threaded together behind his neck. Bellamy’s lips are swollen and pink, his hair disheveled, curls awry, but his eyes are bright and trained on hers and she knows then, as lame as it is, that this is it for her. 

 

Not that Bellamy needs to know it. Not yet, anyway. Instead Raven smirks, and obviously takes the high road.

 

“I can’t believe you are moving halfway across the country for me. What a fucking stalker move.” Her words are teasing, her smile dazzling when Bellamy groans and pulls ever so slightly from her arms. 

 

“God. I’m going to regret this, aren’t it?” He replies, rolling his eyes and sighing deeply.

 

“No, because you fucking love me, and I mean, why wouldn’t you, I’m obviously flawless.” Raven continues, causing Bellamy to exhale again.

 

“Yep. I’m definitely going to regret this.”   
  


“What, no, you aren’t!” Raven replies with all the seriousness she can muster (which, to be fair, is hard to while she’s trying not to laugh). “Really. It’s sweet how much you adore me. And how clearly lost you’d be without me.”

 

To his credit, Bellamy begins shaking his head, but when she doesn’t stop laughing and he begins to shift away from their embrace, Raven calms herself just enough to pull him back towards her. It’s not like there was any real threat of him leaving, but still, she’d like to placate the boy a little; after all, he is moving halfway across the country just to be with her.

 

“Just,” Bellamy begins, his voice softer than usual. Raven can sense the hesitance in his words, the usual bravado stripped down to the bone. “You  _ want  _ me to come with you, right?” 

 

This time instead of meeting her eyes he hides his face in her neck, his usually firm grip falls slack against her. This is Bellamy Blake nervous, Raven recognises slowly, more nervous than she's ever seen him. And she realises with a start that in all of her confusion, frustration then teasing, she never told him -- 

 

“Of course I do Bellamy,” She replies cupping his face in her hands. “I really, really do.” Closing the gap between them, Raven presses her lips gently against his, and feels him smile beneath the kiss, before biting gently and tracing his tongue across her lower lip; pulling her in down, deeper, down. 

 

She responds without hesitation, her hands pushing from his checks to his neck, pulling him closer, pressing her body against him. Hours ago, Raven would have told you this is the kind of kiss that moves mountains and parts seas, the kind she would savour as a memory to sweet to lose. 

 

But now she knows it’s the kind of kiss that tells them, between crushed groans and quiet sighs that matter what happens they’ll be okay. 

  
And in that moment Raven believes it, because honestly? She maybe kind of loves him too.


End file.
